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Saturday, January 28, 2012

No Category: The Soundtrack

So, with the New Year here, and with my body and mind feeling pretty alright these days, it seems like a good time to take a break from no category. I've accomplished more with this whole blog thing than I ever could have imagined 8 months and 40 posts ago. I've managed to piece together a bunch of thoughts on adulthood, psychology, art, and mythology. And I found the time and the space to learn a little bit more about myself. I know that I've had at least a few loyal readers, and you guys and gals should know that I'm filled up with gratitude to have had you along for the ride. And thanks to anyone who ever stopped by to check things out. As a final post (for the forseeable future, at least), I'd like to share a few songs that sum up what this whole experience has meant to me...


1. A Praise Chorus by Jimmy Eat World: Here's a song about grabbing adulthood by the cojones.


Are you gonna live your life wonderin' standing in the back lookin' around?
Are you gonna waste your time thinkin' how you've grown up or how you missed out?
Things are never gonna be the way you want.
Where's it gonna get you acting serious?
Things are never gonna be quite what you want.
Or even at 25, you gotta start sometime.

I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go.
Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.
I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.
I wanna fall in love tonight.

Are you gonna live your life standing in the back looking around?
Are you gonna waste your time?
Gotta make a move or you'll miss out.
Someone's gonna ask you what it's all about.
Stick around nostalgia won't let you down.
Someone's gonna ask you what it's all about.
Whatcha gonna have to say for yourself?

I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go.
Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.
I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.
I wanna fall in love tonight.

Crimson and clover, over and over.
Crimson and clover, over and over.
Our house in the middle of the street, why did we ever meet?
Started my rock 'n roll fantasy.
Don't don't, don't let's start, why did we ever part?
Kick start my rock 'n rollen heart.
I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go.
So come on Davey, sing me somethin' that I know.
I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.
I wanna fall in love tonight.
Here tonight.
I wanna always feel like part of this was mine
I wanna fall in love tonight.




2. Ain't No Reason by Brett Dennen: This one's about making the effort to love in this harsh, desensitized and impersonal world.


There ain't no reason things are this way
It's how they've always been and they intend to stay
I can't explain why we live this way
We do it everyday
Preachers on the podium speaking of saints
Prophets on the sidewalks begging for change
Old ladies laughing from the fire escape, cursing my name
I got a basket full of lemons and they all taste the same
A window and a pigeon with a broken wing
You can spend your whole life working for something
Just to have it taken away
People walk around pushing back their debts
Wearing pay checks like necklaces and bracelets
Talking 'bout nothing, not thinking about death
Every little heart beat, every little breath
People walk a tight rope on a razor's edge
Carrying their hurt and hatred and weapons
It could be a bomb or a bullet or a pin
Or a thought or a word or a sentence
There ain't no reasons things are this way
It's how they've always been and they intend to stay
I don't know why I say the things I say,
But I say them anyway

But love will come set me free
Love will come set me free
I do believe
Love will come set me free
I know it will
Love will come set me free
Yes

Prison walls still standing tall
Some things never change at all
Keep on building prisons,
Gonna fill them all
Keep on building bombs
Gonna drop them all
Working your fingers bare to the bone
Breaking your back, make you sell your soul
Like a lung is filled with coal,
Suffocating slow
The wind blows wild and I may move
But politicians lie and I am not fooled
You don't need no reason or a 3 piece suit
To argue the truth
The air on my skin and the world under my toes
Slavery stitched to the fabric of my clothes
Chaos and commotion wherever I go
Love, I try to follow

But love will come set me free
Love will come set me free
I do believe
Love will come set me free
I know it will
Love will come set me free
Yes

There ain't no reasons things are this way
It's how they've always been and they intend to stay
I can't explain why we live this way
We do it everyday




3. Breakdown by Jack Johnson: A song about finding the space in this madcap modern world to slow down and enjoy the view. 




I hope this old train breaks down
Then I could take a walk around
And, see what there is to see
And time is just a melody
All the people in the street
Walk as fast as their feet can take them
I just roll through town
And though my windows got a view
The frame I'm looking through
Seems to have no concern for now
So for now

I need this here
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown

This engine screams out loud
Centipede gonna crawl westbound
So I don't even make a sound
Cause it's gonna sting me when I leave this town
All the people in the street
That I'll never get to meet
If these tracks don't bend somehow
And I got no time
That I got to get to
Where I don't need to be
So I

I need this here
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown
I need this here
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown
I wanna break on down
But I cant stop now
Let me break on down

But you cant stop nothing
If you got no control
Of the thoughts in your mind
That you kept in, you know
You don't know nothing
But you don't need to know
The wisdom's in the trees
Not the glass windows
You cant stop wishing
If you don't let go
But things that you find
And you lose, and you know
You keep on rolling
Put the moment on hold
The frames too bright
So put the blinds down low

I need this here
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown
I need this here
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown
I wanna break on down
But I cant stop now 





4. Tonight, Tonight by The Smashing Pumpkins: A song about trusting, believing & dreaming, even as grown ups.



Time is never time at all
You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth
And our lives are forever changed
We will never be the same
The more you change the less you feel

Believe, believe in me, believe
That life can change, that you're not stuck in vain
We're not the same, we're different tonight
Tonight, so bright
Tonight

And you know you're never sure
But your sure you could be right
If you held yourself up to the light
And the embers never fade in your city by the lake
The place where you were born

Believe, believe in me, believe
In the resolute urgency of now
And if you believe there's not a chance tonight
Tonight, so bright
Tonight
We'll crucify the insincere tonight
We'll make things right, we'll feel it all tonight
We'll find a way to offer up the night tonight
The indescribable moments of your life tonight
The impossible is possible tonight
Believe in me as I believe in you, tonight




5. Pork and Beans by Weezer: And lastly, a song that reminds us all to fly our freak flags.


They say
I need some Rogaine
To put in my hair
Work it out at the gym
To fit my underwear
Oakley makes the shades
That transform a tool
You'd hate
For the kids to think
That you lost your cool

I'mma do the things
That I wanna do
I ain't got a thing
To prove to you
I'll eat my candy
With the pork and beans
Excuse my manners
If I make a scene
I ain't gonna wear
The clothes that you like
I'm fine and dandy
With the me inside
One look in the mirror
And I'm tickled pink
I don't give a hoot
About what you think

Everyone likes to dance
To a happy song
(Hey, hey)
With a catchy chorus and beat
So they can sing along
(Hey, hey)
Timbaland knows the way
To reach the top of the charts
Maybe if I work with him
I can perfect the art

I'mma do the things
That I wanna do
I ain't got a thing
To prove to you
I'll eat my candy
With the pork and beans
Excuse my manners
If I make a scene
I ain't gonna wear
The clothes that you like
I'm fine and dandy
With the me inside
One look in the mirror
And I'm tickled pink
I don't give a hoot
About what you think

No I don't care
I don't care

I'mma do the things
That I wanna do
I ain't got a thing
To prove to you
I'll eat my candy
With the pork and beans
Excuse my manners
If I make a scene
I ain't gonna wear
The clothes that you like
I'm fine and dandy
With the me inside
One look in the mirror
And I'm tickled pink
I don't give a hoot
About what you think



Peace. Mike.


Thursday, January 12, 2012

New Years Resolution for a Developing Adult



2012. The year that I'll be celebrating my 36th birthday. And my son's 2nd birthday. And, with my recovery from health problems in full swing and all, I can honestly say that I'm looking forward to this one. So, 2012, I just might like you.

The start of a new year, of course, is also a time to look at one's life and see where a little more effort and attention might be in order (cue sappy, self-reflective blog entry in 3...2...1). In looking at my own life, it's pretty clear that I've got some work to do in the area of existential freedom. For whatever reason - whether it's been my health problems, or just the generally sucky experiences that can build up after 35 years of living - I'm finding that I've become pretty fearful of uncertainty and chaos. In fact, I'd say that I'm outright terrified of not having control over my life. And, what with the world being unpredictable and all, one can see how this might be a problem. I'm even finding that when I encounter some problem I have no ability to control - typically some big, abstract global issue, or the actions and behavior of another person - I get anxious about my inability to fix whatever wrong I'm witnessing.


But the thing is, it's all related to this delusional belief I've got that if I don't control things something really bad is going to happen to me. And I think it's a problem a lot of us adults struggle with in the modern world, perhaps even more so here in the United States, where we seem perpetually inundated with messages of terrorism, drugs, identity theft, cancer, car jacking, genocide, climate change, bird flu, gang warfare, and the apocalypse (you know, just to name a few). It's a wonder any of us get out of bed in the morning.


But, as far as my own life goes, I'm ready to loosen my grip on my need for control and safety, and to accept the limits of my power and control. This year, for me, is all about living again. Giving into chaos and uncertainty once in a while. Not trying and be perfect all of the time. Accepting that I can't control everything. Turning off the TV. Ignoring the newspaper. Letting things take their course. And allowing life to take me where it will.

To let go. To experience. To live. These are my new year's resolutions.



Monday, January 2, 2012

Existential Adult Development

          
          "Every moment of one's existence, one is growing into more or 
           retreating into less."
                                                                  -Norman Mailer



One of my goals with this blog has been to find some perspective on this zany thing called adulthood. I've tried to explore the issue from multiple angles. The biographical. The mythological. And, of course, the psychological. In respect to this latter angle, I've actually been working to develop my very own psychological model of adult development. A lofty goal? No doubt. Arrogant? Possibly, but now that the first draft is up and running, I can't really take that much credit. I've essentially taken a bunch of ideas from other, much smarter, people and put them together in a way that works for me. This first version is a little rough around the edges, but I think it gets the main ideas across. So all of you developing adults out there, be sure to take a look. And for anyone interested in a more in-depth understanding of the model, here are some of my underlying motivations and assumptions...

  • I've created this model based on my feeling that a lot of the old guides we have for adulthood aren't particularly applicable to many of the challenges we face in the modern world. A number of new developments - increased cross-cultural contact, the information age, an increased rate of societal change, and an overabundance of choices and options - are leaving many of us adults, I think, with a need for some basic guidance.
  • The model is based on the premise that adult psychological development involves both continuity (one's ability to capitalize on strengths and interests across the lifespan) AND change (one's ability to learn, adapt, and grow across the lifespan). This is the basis of a field of study known as Life-Span Developmental Psychology.
  • The model assumes that adult development occurs in response to the four big existential concerns of adult human life: Death, Isolation, Meaninglessness, and Freedom. In basing my model on these four concerns, I've tried to capture  pretty much everything the modern adult needs to flourish in the modern world. Our ability to 1) form healthy relationships with a wide spectrum of people, 2) develop a realistic and effective sense of responsibility, 3) find purpose and meaning, and 4) cope with change, loss, pain, and death all develop out of our responses to 1) isolation, 2) freedom, 3) meaninglessness, and 4) death, respectively.
  • The four areas of adult development are all interconnected. We can't address our freedom (i.e. take control of our lives) without addressing meaninglessness (developing a sense of direction). And we can't address meaninglessness without addressing isolation (developing confidence in ourselves as individuals). And we can't really work on anything else if we walk around full of death anxiety.
  • Adult psychological development is more open-ended and boundary-less than childhood development. There are no stages in adult development. Developing adults do not engage with the four existential concerns in any particular order, but rather, in times of convenience, interest, and need. We may work through a crisis of life's meaninglessness at the age of 40 only to have to do more work in this area at the age of 70. We may find the need to focus on freedom when we begin college and then again when we first become parents. We may take steps both forwards and backwards, left and right.  And there is no one right way to a healthy adulthood.
  • And yet there are, I think, some very basic patterns of both function and dysfunction that can be helpful to keep in mind. This is where my model comes into play. For each of the four areas of adult development, I've created a hypothetical spectrum of developmental states. At the polar ends of each spectrum lie the most unhealthy development. The middle of the spectrum, meanwhile, represents an ideal, healthy situation. 
  • Lastly, my intention in creating this model has not been to suggest that the goal of adulthood is to attain some sort of ideal state of perfect functioning. It has simply been to create a basic road map through the challenges of adulthood. My hope is to reduce, just a little bit, the chaos and relativity of adulthood in the modern world.


Okay. Well, that's about it for how. Here's the link again. The model is now a permanent page on my blog that can always be reached by a link at the top of the page. Enjoy!


Coming up next, I'll be sharing my New Year's resolution...