No Category: The Soundtrack

So, with the New Year here, and with my body and mind feeling pretty alright these days, it seems like a good time to take a break from no category. I've accomplished more with this whole blog thing than I ever could have imagined 8 months and 40 posts ago. I've managed to piece together a bunch of thoughts on adulthood, psychology, art, and mythology. And I found the time and the space to learn a little bit more about myself. I know that I've had at least a few loyal readers, and you guys and gals should know that I'm filled up with gratitude to have had you along for the ride. And thanks to anyone who ever stopped by to check things out. As a final post (for the forseeable future, at least), I'd like to share a few songs that sum up what this whole experience has meant to me...

1. A Praise Chorus by Jimmy Eat World: Here's a song about grabbing adulthood by the cojones.

Are you gonna live your life wonderin' standing in the back lookin' around?

Are you gonna waste your time thinkin' how you've grown up or how you missed out?

Things are never gonna be the way you want.

Where's it gonna get you acting serious?

Things are never gonna be quite what you want.

Or even at 25, you gotta start sometime.

I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go.

Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.

I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.

I wanna fall in love tonight.

Are you gonna live your life standing in the back looking around?

Are you gonna waste your time?

Gotta make a move or you'll miss out.

Someone's gonna ask you what it's all about.

Stick around nostalgia won't let you down.

Someone's gonna ask you what it's all about.

Whatcha gonna have to say for yourself?

I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go.

Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.

I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.

I wanna fall in love tonight.

Crimson and clover, over and over.

Crimson and clover, over and over.

Our house in the middle of the street, why did we ever meet?

Started my rock 'n roll fantasy.

Don't don't, don't let's start, why did we ever part?

Kick start my rock 'n rollen heart.

I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go.

So come on Davey, sing me somethin' that I know.

I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.

I wanna fall in love tonight.

Here tonight.

I wanna always feel like part of this was mine

I wanna fall in love tonight.

2. Ain't No Reason by Brett Dennen: This one's about making the effort to love in this harsh, desensitized and impersonal world.

There ain't no reason things are this way

It's how they've always been and they intend to stay

I can't explain why we live this way

We do it everyday

Preachers on the podium speaking of saints

Prophets on the sidewalks begging for change

Old ladies laughing from the fire escape, cursing my name

I got a basket full of lemons and they all taste the same

A window and a pigeon with a broken wing

You can spend your whole life working for something

Just to have it taken away

People walk around pushing back their debts

Wearing pay checks like necklaces and bracelets

Talking 'bout nothing, not thinking about death

Every little heart beat, every little breath

People walk a tight rope on a razor's edge

Carrying their hurt and hatred and weapons

It could be a bomb or a bullet or a pin

Or a thought or a word or a sentence

There ain't no reasons things are this way

It's how they've always been and they intend to stay

I don't know why I say the things I say,

But I say them anyway

But love will come set me free

Love will come set me free

I do believe

Love will come set me free

I know it will

Love will come set me free

Yes

Prison walls still standing tall

Some things never change at all

Keep on building prisons,

Gonna fill them all

Keep on building bombs

Gonna drop them all

Working your fingers bare to the bone

Breaking your back, make you sell your soul

Like a lung is filled with coal,

Suffocating slow

The wind blows wild and I may move

But politicians lie and I am not fooled

You don't need no reason or a 3 piece suit

To argue the truth

The air on my skin and the world under my toes

Slavery stitched to the fabric of my clothes

Chaos and commotion wherever I go

Love, I try to follow

But love will come set me free

Love will come set me free

I do believe

Love will come set me free

I know it will

Love will come set me free

Yes

There ain't no reasons things are this way

It's how they've always been and they intend to stay

I can't explain why we live this way

We do it everyday

3. Breakdown by Jack Johnson: A song about finding the space in this madcap modern world to slow down and enjoy the view. 

I hope this old train breaks down

Then I could take a walk around

And, see what there is to see

And time is just a melody

All the people in the street

Walk as fast as their feet can take them

I just roll through town

And though my windows got a view

The frame I'm looking through

Seems to have no concern for now

So for now

I need this here

Old train to breakdown

Oh please just

Let me please breakdown

This engine screams out loud

Centipede gonna crawl westbound

So I don't even make a sound

Cause it's gonna sting me when I leave this town

All the people in the street

That I'll never get to meet

If these tracks don't bend somehow

And I got no time

That I got to get to

Where I don't need to be

So I

I need this here

Old train to breakdown

Oh please just

Let me please breakdown

I need this here

Old train to breakdown

Oh please just

Let me please breakdown

I wanna break on down

But I cant stop now

Let me break on down

But you cant stop nothing

If you got no control

Of the thoughts in your mind

That you kept in, you know

You don't know nothing

But you don't need to know

The wisdom's in the trees

Not the glass windows

You cant stop wishing

If you don't let go

But things that you find

And you lose, and you know

You keep on rolling

Put the moment on hold

The frames too bright

So put the blinds down low

I need this here

Old train to breakdown

Oh please just

Let me please breakdown

I need this here

Old train to breakdown

Oh please just

Let me please breakdown

I wanna break on down

But I cant stop now 

4. Tonight, Tonight by The Smashing Pumpkins: A song about trusting, believing & dreaming, even as grown ups.

Time is never time at all
You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth
And our lives are forever changed
We will never be the same
The more you change the less you feel

Believe, believe in me, believe
That life can change, that you're not stuck in vain
We're not the same, we're different tonight
Tonight, so bright
Tonight

And you know you're never sure
But your sure you could be right
If you held yourself up to the light
And the embers never fade in your city by the lake
The place where you were born

Believe, believe in me, believe
In the resolute urgency of now
And if you believe there's not a chance tonight
Tonight, so bright
Tonight
We'll crucify the insincere tonight
We'll make things right, we'll feel it all tonight
We'll find a way to offer up the night tonight
The indescribable moments of your life tonight
The impossible is possible tonight
Believe in me as I believe in you, tonight



5. Pork and Beans by Weezer: And lastly, a song that reminds us all to fly our freak flags.

They say

I need some Rogaine

To put in my hair

Work it out at the gym

To fit my underwear

Oakley makes the shades

That transform a tool

You'd hate

For the kids to think

That you lost your cool

I'mma do the things

That I wanna do

I ain't got a thing

To prove to you

I'll eat my candy

With the pork and beans

Excuse my manners

If I make a scene

I ain't gonna wear

The clothes that you like

I'm fine and dandy

With the me inside

One look in the mirror

And I'm tickled pink

I don't give a hoot

About what you think

Everyone likes to dance

To a happy song

(Hey, hey)

With a catchy chorus and beat

So they can sing along

(Hey, hey)

Timbaland knows the way

To reach the top of the charts

Maybe if I work with him

I can perfect the art

I'mma do the things

That I wanna do

I ain't got a thing

To prove to you

I'll eat my candy

With the pork and beans

Excuse my manners

If I make a scene

I ain't gonna wear

The clothes that you like

I'm fine and dandy

With the me inside

One look in the mirror

And I'm tickled pink

I don't give a hoot

About what you think

No I don't care

I don't care

I'mma do the things

That I wanna do

I ain't got a thing

To prove to you

I'll eat my candy

With the pork and beans

Excuse my manners

If I make a scene

I ain't gonna wear

The clothes that you like

I'm fine and dandy

With the me inside

One look in the mirror

And I'm tickled pink

I don't give a hoot

About what you think

Peace. Mike.

New Years Resolution for a Developing Adult

2012. The year that I'll be celebrating my 36th birthday. And my son's 2nd birthday. And, with my recovery from health problems in full swing and all, I can honestly say that I'm looking forward to this one. So, 2012, I just might like you.

The start of a new year, of course, is also a time to look at one's life and see where a little more effort and attention might be in order (cue sappy, self-reflective blog entry in 3...2...1). In looking at my own life, it's pretty clear that I've got some work to do in the area of existential freedom. For whatever reason - whether it's been my health problems, or just the generally sucky experiences that can build up after 35 years of living - I'm finding that I've become pretty fearful of uncertainty and chaos. In fact, I'd say that I'm outright terrified of not having control over my life. And, what with the world being unpredictable and all, one can see how this might be a problem. I'm even finding that when I encounter some problem I have no ability to control - typically some big, abstract global issue, or the actions and behavior of another person - I get anxious about my inability to fix whatever wrong I'm witnessing.


But the thing is, it's all related to this delusional belief I've got that if I don't control things something really bad is going to happen to me. And I think it's a problem a lot of us adults struggle with in the modern world, perhaps even more so here in the United States, where we seem perpetually inundated with messages of terrorism, drugs, identity theft, cancer, car jacking, genocide, climate change, bird flu, gang warfare, and the apocalypse (you know, just to name a few). It's a wonder any of us get out of bed in the morning.


But, as far as my own life goes, I'm ready to loosen my grip on my need for control and safety, and to accept the limits of my power and control. This year, for me, is all about living again. Giving into chaos and uncertainty once in a while. Not trying and be perfect all of the time. Accepting that I can't control everything. Turning off the TV. Ignoring the newspaper. Letting things take their course. And allowing life to take me where it will.

To let go. To experience. To live. These are my new year's resolutions.

Existential Adult Development

          

          "Every moment of one's existence, one is growing into more or 

           retreating into less."
                                                                  -Norman Mailer

One of my goals with this blog has been to find some perspective on this zany thing called adulthood. I've tried to explore the issue from multiple angles. The biographical. The mythological. And, of course, the psychological. In respect to this latter angle, I've actually been working to develop my very own psychological model of adult development. A lofty goal? No doubt. Arrogant? Possibly, but now that the first draft is up and running, I can't really take that much credit. I've essentially taken a bunch of ideas from other, much smarter, people and put them together in a way that works for me. This first version is a little rough around the edges, but I think it gets the main ideas across. So all of you developing adults out there, be sure to take a look. And for anyone interested in a more in-depth understanding of the model, here are some of my underlying motivations and assumptions...

• I've created this model based on my feeling that a lot of the old guides we have for adulthood aren't particularly applicable to many of the challenges we face in the modern world. A number of new developments - increased cross-cultural contact, the information age, an increased rate of societal change, and an overabundance of choices and options - are leaving many of us adults, I think, with a need for some basic guidance.
• The model is based on the premise that adult psychological development involves both continuity (one's ability to capitalize on strengths and interests across the lifespan) AND change (one's ability to learn, adapt, and grow across the lifespan). This is the basis of a field of study known as Life-Span Developmental Psychology.
• The model assumes that adult development occurs in response to the four big existential concerns of adult human life: Death, Isolation, Meaninglessness, and Freedom. In basing my model on these four concerns, I've tried to capture  pretty much everything the modern adult needs to flourish in the modern world. Our ability to 1) form healthy relationships with a wide spectrum of people, 2) develop a realistic and effective sense of responsibility, 3) find purpose and meaning, and 4) cope with change, loss, pain, and death all develop out of our responses to 1) isolation, 2) freedom, 3) meaninglessness, and 4) death, respectively.
• The four areas of adult development are all interconnected. We can't address our freedom (i.e. take control of our lives) without addressing meaninglessness (developing a sense of direction). And we can't address meaninglessness without addressing isolation (developing confidence in ourselves as individuals). And we can't really work on anything else if we walk around full of death anxiety.
• Adult psychological development is more open-ended and boundary-less than childhood development. There are no stages in adult development. Developing adults do not engage with the four existential concerns in any particular order, but rather, in times of convenience, interest, and need. We may work through a crisis of life's meaninglessness at the age of 40 only to have to do more work in this area at the age of 70. We may find the need to focus on freedom when we begin college and then again when we first become parents. We may take steps both forwards and backwards, left and right.  And there is no one right way to a healthy adulthood.
• And yet there are, I think, some very basic patterns of both function and dysfunction that can be helpful to keep in mind. This is where my model comes into play. For each of the four areas of adult development, I've created a hypothetical spectrum of developmental states. At the polar ends of each spectrum lie the most unhealthy development. The middle of the spectrum, meanwhile, represents an ideal, healthy situation. 
• Lastly, my intention in creating this model has not been to suggest that the goal of adulthood is to attain some sort of ideal state of perfect functioning. It has simply been to create a basic road map through the challenges of adulthood. My hope is to reduce, just a little bit, the chaos and relativity of adulthood in the modern world.

Okay. Well, that's about it for how. Here's the link again. The model is now a permanent page on my blog that can always be reached by a link at the top of the page. Enjoy!


Coming up next, I'll be sharing my New Year's resolution...