Modern Problems

In a recent conversation with my father, I mentioned how I thought that the modern world required a different parenting approach. My father, responding in the endearingly succinct method of communication that has been handed down through the generations in my family, simply replied…”people are people.” It was one of those fake disagreements where both of us were right - that whole “the more things change, the more they stay the same” phenomenon. In any case, our brief interaction got me thinking about my assertion a bit more. After all, I’ve built this blog partly on the assumption that there are all these new challenges in the modern world that are requiring us to rethink the notion of what a healthy, functioning adult should look like. But what exactly are these new challenges we face? And what consequences arise if we fail to meet them?

The Zany Modern Family: This is a big one. Our notion of the “normal family” has been changing pretty consistently ever since the 60s; Single moms. Stay at home dads. Gay parents. Unmarried parents. Inter-racial couples, inter-faith couples. And, as exciting as it is to see people making commitment, love, and family work in all sorts of new ways that better accommodate our modern diversity, there are definitely challenges to living in this increasingly heterogeneous society. I don’t think we’re really that good, as a species, at dealing with complexity. We want our simple categories and boxes. And when the world won’t reduce, we become overwhelmed. Our impulse becomes to turn off that part of the brain that tries to understand, and rely on anger and hostility. But as much as we may want to close our minds to more complicated and inclusive thinking, doing so in today's world severely limits our ability to be effective and supportive family members. So the challenge for modern adults, amidst our ever-growing family diversity, is to discover and enjoy our common ground, while also accepting and appreciating our differences. For a hilarious take on this idea, I highly recommend the television comedy Modern Family.

The Information Highway: We are in exciting times. Thanks to the internet, information is being shared quicker and more democratically than ever before. Old barriers have been removed and traditional notions of authority and expertise have been eroded. Much of this change is having a positive impact on individuals. Patients, consumers, students: all are enjoying greater power through increased access to information. So much of my own recovery from health problems, for example, has been the result of internet research, which connected me to guidance from others experiencing pain and specialists knowledgeable about my specific symptoms. And yet, the information age is also presenting the modern adult with a new and significant developmental challenge. Information can now be presented to us by anyone who happens to have an internet connection. And it has become increasingly difficult to tell the difference between the real deal and the charlatan. This means that critical thinking skills have become crucial to adult development in a way they never have been before. Being able to tell the nuance from the hackery, and the fact from the fiction, is a lifelong developmental skill that requires consistent attention. And yet, the pressure as we age is, once again, to reject complexity. To cling to narrow ideas and black and white thinkers. And, once we begin down that road, we become increasingly disfunctional in this big, diverse world. So increasing one's capacity for complex, critical thought, even into adulthood, has become essential.

Money and the Machine: The gears of the societal machine are getting larger and more menacing. Advertising, the Media, big corporations: they're all threatening to crush the individual's motivation to think and to act. We're finding ourselves increasingly dependent on our unfulfilling jobs (and their sad excuses for health insurance plans). And, as we work ourselves to exhaustion week after week, naturally we would rather spend our days off shopping than thinking and learning and developing. And that is exactly what so many of the upper, upper, upper class (you have to add an extra upper every so many years) hope will happen, because it will make them richer, while we become more apathetic, more materialist, and more inclined to purchase the latest anti-depressant. (Sigh). So the challenge for the modern adult is to somehow escape this system that sees us only as consumers of varying purchasing power, and to find the space to become more fully human. Because, there are actually these other human values that don't turn a profit. Things like compassion, justice, imagination, equality, gentleness, connection, nurturance. The modern adult must make the effort to ensure that these things continue to be part of our society and add depth to our lives.  

College, Travel, and the Multicultural World: There was a time when a college education was reserved for the privileged, and travel to another country was unique and special. And yet, to most young adults who grew up in the 80s, 90s, and beyond, these things have become commonplace. And interactions with people outside of one's hometown, city, state, and country are becoming commonplace as well. More than ever modern adults are being required to negotiate complicated interactions with people who have remarkably different experiences and perspectives. It's a difficult process that, without fail, leads to social miscues and mistakes, and misunderstandings. In response to these difficulties, we may often feel the urge to succumb to offense and fear and anger, and to close ourselves off to those who are different. And yet, if the modern adult hopes to be an effective, functioning person outside of his or her in-group, he or she must push through the difficulty and discomfort and develop the skills of cross-cultural communication.

And yet, when all is said and done, my pops had a really good point when he said that “people are people.” Amidst this ever-changing landscape, human beings still have the same basic hard wiring that we've had for at least the past 400,000 years. We're still these beautiful and confused amalgams of the best and the worst in this world. And we're still trying to figure out how we can bring out more of the good stuff and less of the bad. And families, despite their changing appearances, are still built upon the same old principles. They still exist to provide us with safety, love, and support; not to mention the occasional dose of eternal wisdom. So thanks Dad.