no category.: What It Meant To Me

I first got into hardcore punk when I was around 17. It was the early 90s and an awesome time to be into the music. Bands like Life of Agony, Earth Crisis, H20, V.O.D., and Snapcase were hitting their peaks and packing little clubs all over the northeast. To understand the allure, one needs only to check out the energy and insanity of these clips:

But besides the fun of the shows, there were other reasons that I grew to love this music. For one, it was like finding a secret world. This was before the rise of the internet (a more civil age), and there were not many people who actually knew about hardcore. It wasn’t spoon fed to you by some DJ. You had to actually go to shows and get flyers in order to learn about the bands. The other thing about 90s hardcore that really got me was the lyrics. Bands were singing (er, screaming) about environmentalism, anti-consumerism, non-conformity and a lot of other positive values. With all of waste, greed and apathy of our culture, it was exciting to find all of these young people who were engaging (or, more appropriately, disengaging) with the world on this meaningful level. And the lyrical message worked for me at the time because it was presented in such a black and white package. It was all good vs. bad, us. vs. them. With adolescence being a developmental stage characterized by black and white thinking, and the defining of one's morals and values, hardcore music was very appealing.

So, fast forward 18 years or so, and here I am still keeping up with those bands who have stuck around, and occasional discovering a new band that's worth listening to. But, it's such a different experience. As an adult who has considerably expanded my mind since I first got into hardcore, it's pretty much impossible to sing along to the rebellious and morally-certain lyrics with any sort of sincerity. Mature adult thought involves living, and finding comfort, in the shades of gray. It's about being in touch with one's principles and values, but applying them to the real world in a flexible, solution-oriented, and non-judgmental way.

So hardcore music...not so useful to me as an adult. And I guess that brings me to the bigger question for this post…what do we do with those things that once served an important role in our lives, but are still lingering around in somewhat counterproductive ways? To put it simply, I think we make the effort to re-evaluate, and change, our relationship with those things. So why does hardcore music still exist in my life? Well, on a positive note, I genuinely like the sound of 90s hardcore. There were actually quite a few good bands, musically speaking, from that scene. And for that reason alone, I'm sure I'll always have a few hardcore albums on rotation. But, hardcore is also a nostalgic remnant from a period of my life that I have idealized over the years. And, here is where my relationship with the music could use a bit of an adjustment. Why I have idealized my late adolescence is a topic for another post, but what’s important is that those years weren’t as great as I like to remember. And, as far as the hardcore scene goes, while it may have been pretty freaking cool at the time, it was also kind of silly. All of the cliques and trends (straight-edge, vegan, etc. etc.), the preaching, the sanctimony, and the seriousness: it was a bit overbearing. And, as much as that music helped a lot of kids like myself survive their childhoods, the scene also tended to prevent a lot of kids from growing up, with its tendency towards hard line slogans like "stay true" and "young 'til I die." So, in the spirit of growing up, I'm hereby declaring that it's totally okay to get all nostalgic and teary-eyed when it comes to my late adolescent hardcore fascination (hell, it was a great time), but there is no need, and no grounding, for any sort of idealization.

So, will I still be listening to hardcore? Definitely. Will I be getting the new Earth Crisis CD on July 12th? Hell yes. But, I will be doing so while still moving forward. And that means putting the music in it's proper place...as a small, but important part of my past, and a fun, idiosyncratic part of my present. And, regarding some of those overly simplistic lyrics, well I think they can be taken with a grain of salt. And, for those bands who actually had lyrics with a more complex perspective, I still might sing along with some real, adult heart. So, here's a couple of lists to close up my thoughts.

1. Hardcore playlist for adolescent nostalgia (don't think too deeply please)